Sorry for being MIA for so long and so suddenly. The last you knew, I was heading to the Ray’s home playoff games…then I was gone.
My explanation is simple and tragic. We came home from the first playoff game and had barely walked in the door when I got the kind of phone call no one ever wants. A dear friend of mine had taken his own life.
My world stopped.
Baseball, though I love it, didn’t matter anymore. I was overwhelmed by loss. Death is always a slap to your face, but when you lose someone, someone you’d just talked to and thought was fine, to suicide, it’s more like a cinderblock to the face.
I made both Rays playoff games before I flew back to Pennsylvania for the funeral. When I returned home, I just didn’t have the heart to write. I had all the pictures from the Rays games staring me in the face and I just couldn’t look at them. Every time I did I was taken back to that night and I just couldn’t deal with it.
Now I have some space and perspective. I am looking at the pictures with enough detachment that I can write about my games without feeling the way I did that night. So I will be posting a little bit about our trip to Tropicana Field…very shortly.
I do want to end with this:
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It leaves your friends and family feeling like they’re left with a big puzzle but never all the pieces. There’s a hole left that not only can’t be filed but can’t be explained. There is never any closure. It’s not like you can say they died in an accident and while tragic, you know it was an accident. Suicide leaves so many questions that keep those who loved you up at night and leaves them feeling like there should have been something they could have done.
If you have thoughts of suicide, ask for help. Call someone, call a hot line, go to a church, go to a hospital, call your family. No matter how horrible you feel, the people around you will be left feeling the same way when you’re gone. ASK FOR HELP. It always gets better.